the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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