Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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