my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize