I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
