i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
