good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
