you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
