just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
