this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
