I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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