it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
