i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
