There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
