Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
