Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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