TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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