I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
