am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
