do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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