I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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