Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
