I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
