i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
