Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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