Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize