i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
