I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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