You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
