Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
