let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
