I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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