this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
