those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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