awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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