Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
