You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
