she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize