Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I need a burrito and a hug.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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