you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
