CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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