Midget sex pt 2 tonight
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
