You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
