If that was your dad, he is hot
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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