that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
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