Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm like, not good at living.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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