Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
