If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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