He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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