Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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