I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
