i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
