Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
