I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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