just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
