Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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