Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
