i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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