Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
