I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
