We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
