I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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