It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
