Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
