Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
