It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
